Thursday, January 10, 2008
My broken heart
Last night at dinner we were talking about my husbands kids. Ashley brought up the fact that in two years the youngest one will be old enough to decide if she wants to come and live with us. The older one had stated that he wouldn't leave without the other. So then Tyler says, "Ya, next year I have to go to court and decide who I want to live with. I'm not sure who I'll choose." I asked him who told him that and he said his step-mom. I was completely blind sided. I can't believe he's even been thinking about it. Chad and I have been here for him through everything. I'm a complete mess. I cried all night, called off work and slept till 10am. It's all I can think about. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see Tyler everyday after school to ask him how his day was or know what is going on in his life. If at this point you are thinking that his dad doesn't get to see him everyday, well you should know that his dad choose that path. He never came to the hospital when he was born, made us have a paternity test. He wasn't even interested until Chad came into our lives. He gets him every other weekend and that's it. Never calls through the week... I just feel like... i don't know how I feel except like my heart is being crushed. All I've thought about today is Tyler's birth and when he was a baby and how he used to think I was the best person in the world. I'm gonna go to work tomorrow and try to get back in the swing of things. And I'm gonna try to stop crying.