Wednesday, April 27, 2011

My limit

Life has been crazy lately, not in a good way. I am here. That is the best I can do for now. I've reached my limit.

Saturday, February 26, 2011


Tonight we a having Tyler's 16th birthday party. (there will be pictures) Wow!!! I have had plenty of time to try and get used to the idea that he is gonna be that old. So aside from me being an emotional mess because my little man is growing up, people are driving me crazy. There is all kinds of crazy conflict in our family. Almost everyone in our family is divorced and remarried. My mom is married to my husband's mom's ex husband. (Did you follow that? HA) So that being said, there are some uncomfortable family gatherings. I try not to invite everyone to everything. I AM sympathetic to how uncomfortable they might be. BUT all can't be in the same gigantic room at the same time? You all can't put your differences aside to be there for a young man that you all love and support? The calls started this morning with "is so and so gonna be there? Well I might not be able to come." SERIOUSLY????? Grow up. This day is never gonna come again. Ugh!

Okay, I've vented. Now I gotta pull myself together and put a smile on my face and act like none of this is bothering me. My son deserves a great day and shouldn't have to worry about any of this or know that it is bothering me.

Balloons, candles and cake,

Monday, February 7, 2011


I have started this post three times. All with topics that are currently laying very heavy on my heart. BUT...I just can't share it. Not yet, maybe not ever. There are some things that should not just be thrown out here in cyber space in a careless fashion. This stuff is forever. My grand kids could see this someday. So I backspace.

There are a lot of things on my heart and mind that I can share. (My husband says my mind multi tasks like crazy!) My son is gonna be 16 in less than 3 weeks. That makes me feel old. Am I doing all I can to raise him right? Is he gonna look back on his time living at home with fondness? Does he do things just because it's what we want him to do or is it truly what makes him happy? Am I gonna run out of food at his party?

On the same note, our daughter is gonna be 13 a month after that. What a crazy, emotional time. I feel with her we are always telling her what she should be doing. She has been such a challenge this past year. She asked me the other day if I was gonna be like my mom when I get old. I hope not! She is just not who I want to be, let's leave it at that. Thankfully I have had wonderful women in my life that have shown me examples of the type of person I want to be. I hope my daughter has that. (Of course I hope that I am one of those people for her!)

Does God really forgive all sins? How can He if I cannot? Will anyone ever really know how much love and compassion I have? Have I guarded myself so much that I can't let people see that? Is there going to be a time that I can finally stop letting my past affect my present? But is that really as bad as I make it out to be? My crappy past makes me appreciate what I now have.

Whew! This is making my head hurt. I don't ever see my thoughts like this, lol. Just out in the open.

Peaceful, random thoughts,

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

When did that happen?

So, I spent my day off cleaning out my clothes. I have clothes of many different sizes and they were all together. I got tired of digging through clothes I can't wear to get find something. I decided to separate my clothes according to size so that (hopefully) as I lose weight I can go to the next smaller size without going through all my clothes again.

Okay, a little back story here... Whenever I decide I am going to lose weight I have a size in mind that I want to get to. It is by no means the size of my "ideal" weight but it is where I remember looking a certain way. And it is a size that doesn't require going to a special section of the store.

When I was separating sizes I found several pairs of jeans that were in "the" size. What? When I found the first pair, I thought maybe I bought them as inspiration and never wore them. Then as I found more, I remembered. I wore these. I was actually at the size that I always want to, at least, get to and let it slip away. Why!!!

Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we work so hard to obtain something we want so badly and then just let it slip away?

I joined Weight Watchers last night. Lets see how it goes.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Wow, it's been a while

I almost forgot I had a blog. These days Facebook consumes the time I have to keep in touch with friends. It's easy. I'm lazy. And in that short space for updates, I don't pour out all my life's secrets (which I have been compelled to do here, lol).

This morning I remembered a blog that I used to love to read but could not remember the name of it so I logged in to my blog to link to theirs and was shocked to see that the last time I blogged was about Dakota's birth. (I can't even begin to tell you how absolutely in love I am with that little guy!) Maybe I will start blogging again, not that I did it a whole lot before. But this time it may be a bit different. I used to write about what I though people wanted to see. I am a complex person, surprise! If I find my way back here, I am gonna write about whatever I feel like. Beauty, GOD, weight loss (hopefully!), my kids. Life. All encompassing life. If you want to read, go ahead. If not, that's okay too. I really want to make 2011 about making me happy, which will make everyone around me happier. So, on that note, I am gonna go clean my closet.

Happiness and clean closets,

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Meet Dakota

My nephew arrived today at 11:29 am after an unscheduled c-section. He was due June 22nd but he didn't want to wait(I tried to talk him into coming before we went on vacation. We leave Friday). Dora's water broke yesterday morning but nothing was happening so they started her on pitocin but Dakota didn't like that. His heart rate kept dropping. Dora started running a fever this morning and Dakota seemed to be under some stress so the doctor decided it would be better to just get him out of there. It all went so fast. It seemed like it was no time after my brother went back into the delivery room till he was out again holding this beautiful little baby in his arms. When I left the hospital around 3, Dakota was still on oxygen and his momma still hadn't held him. I feel for her. The first thing you want to do after hearing your baby cry is hold him. I took a video of him crying to show her. I am in awe people! He's just so darn adorable! I am taking the kids back tomorrow to see their little cousin so more pics will come.

Here is a pic of Ash after field day. I missed it to be at the hospital and I feel terrible. It was her last field day since she is moving on to Middle School next year.They had a face painter there. I think whoever it was did an awesome job!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Empty Nest

Ashley took this picture yesterday of our guests. I don't know how they had been right outside our window and we didn't see them until they got this big. I think they look like they are about ready to leave the nest, but what do I know? I'm just glad that we are able to enjoy them for now.

Okay, I didn't see this post headed in this direction but the "bird leaving nest" thing got me to thinking. These next two weeks are huge milestones in my kids' lives. Ashley is almost done with 5th grade. No more elementary. Awards night is Thursday (our last one) and 5th Grade Brunch is Friday (our last one). Where did all the time go? It seems like yesterday we were attending Tyler's 5th Grade Brunch and I was so worried about him going to middle school. Ashley has been in her school for 7 years. Preschool, kindergarten and grades 1 thru 5. It will be sad to say goodbye to all the teachers that have helped mold my kids into the wonderful people they are. Tyler has awards during school next Tuesday and then on the last day of school, it's 8th Grade Day! That is when the 8th graders (that are not in ISS!) get to go bowling, see a movie, eat pizza, etc. and hopefully get one day uniform free! I've know some of these kids since Tyler was in 2nd grade! It's just so hard to get my head around where we are in our lives right now. I'm trying. Mental note, buy tissue for upcoming events.

Totally different subject... Ashley wants to go camping. I do not camp. (Why? Long story. Dad made us live in a bus in the woods for about 6 months. Sold everything we owned. Didn't go to school, took baths in a stream, used an outhouse...) So she asked the other day when we were at Meijer if we could buy a tent. I told her we bought a tent once and it almost sent me into therapy so we had to take it back. She laughed at me in one of those "Mom, please!" kind of tones and I told her that my main purpose in life is to not have her go to therapy as an adult because of something I did or didn't do while she is a child. She reassured me that I was doing a wonderful job but... just to make sure, I should probably take her camping. I think I just gave her tons of bargaining power!