Saturday, February 26, 2011


Tonight we a having Tyler's 16th birthday party. (there will be pictures) Wow!!! I have had plenty of time to try and get used to the idea that he is gonna be that old. So aside from me being an emotional mess because my little man is growing up, people are driving me crazy. There is all kinds of crazy conflict in our family. Almost everyone in our family is divorced and remarried. My mom is married to my husband's mom's ex husband. (Did you follow that? HA) So that being said, there are some uncomfortable family gatherings. I try not to invite everyone to everything. I AM sympathetic to how uncomfortable they might be. BUT all can't be in the same gigantic room at the same time? You all can't put your differences aside to be there for a young man that you all love and support? The calls started this morning with "is so and so gonna be there? Well I might not be able to come." SERIOUSLY????? Grow up. This day is never gonna come again. Ugh!

Okay, I've vented. Now I gotta pull myself together and put a smile on my face and act like none of this is bothering me. My son deserves a great day and shouldn't have to worry about any of this or know that it is bothering me.

Balloons, candles and cake,

Monday, February 7, 2011


I have started this post three times. All with topics that are currently laying very heavy on my heart. BUT...I just can't share it. Not yet, maybe not ever. There are some things that should not just be thrown out here in cyber space in a careless fashion. This stuff is forever. My grand kids could see this someday. So I backspace.

There are a lot of things on my heart and mind that I can share. (My husband says my mind multi tasks like crazy!) My son is gonna be 16 in less than 3 weeks. That makes me feel old. Am I doing all I can to raise him right? Is he gonna look back on his time living at home with fondness? Does he do things just because it's what we want him to do or is it truly what makes him happy? Am I gonna run out of food at his party?

On the same note, our daughter is gonna be 13 a month after that. What a crazy, emotional time. I feel with her we are always telling her what she should be doing. She has been such a challenge this past year. She asked me the other day if I was gonna be like my mom when I get old. I hope not! She is just not who I want to be, let's leave it at that. Thankfully I have had wonderful women in my life that have shown me examples of the type of person I want to be. I hope my daughter has that. (Of course I hope that I am one of those people for her!)

Does God really forgive all sins? How can He if I cannot? Will anyone ever really know how much love and compassion I have? Have I guarded myself so much that I can't let people see that? Is there going to be a time that I can finally stop letting my past affect my present? But is that really as bad as I make it out to be? My crappy past makes me appreciate what I now have.

Whew! This is making my head hurt. I don't ever see my thoughts like this, lol. Just out in the open.

Peaceful, random thoughts,