Monday, February 7, 2011


I have started this post three times. All with topics that are currently laying very heavy on my heart. BUT...I just can't share it. Not yet, maybe not ever. There are some things that should not just be thrown out here in cyber space in a careless fashion. This stuff is forever. My grand kids could see this someday. So I backspace.

There are a lot of things on my heart and mind that I can share. (My husband says my mind multi tasks like crazy!) My son is gonna be 16 in less than 3 weeks. That makes me feel old. Am I doing all I can to raise him right? Is he gonna look back on his time living at home with fondness? Does he do things just because it's what we want him to do or is it truly what makes him happy? Am I gonna run out of food at his party?

On the same note, our daughter is gonna be 13 a month after that. What a crazy, emotional time. I feel with her we are always telling her what she should be doing. She has been such a challenge this past year. She asked me the other day if I was gonna be like my mom when I get old. I hope not! She is just not who I want to be, let's leave it at that. Thankfully I have had wonderful women in my life that have shown me examples of the type of person I want to be. I hope my daughter has that. (Of course I hope that I am one of those people for her!)

Does God really forgive all sins? How can He if I cannot? Will anyone ever really know how much love and compassion I have? Have I guarded myself so much that I can't let people see that? Is there going to be a time that I can finally stop letting my past affect my present? But is that really as bad as I make it out to be? My crappy past makes me appreciate what I now have.

Whew! This is making my head hurt. I don't ever see my thoughts like this, lol. Just out in the open.

Peaceful, random thoughts,

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