then at 12:16 am...

Ashley Corynne was delivered. As I was being wheeled out of the operating room, I woke up long enough to ask my mom what I had, she said, "It's a girl and she beautiful." I think I said good and then was out once again. Hours later (it was daylight) I woke again to the sound of a baby crying. All my groggy eyes could see was this little red thing squirming in a plastic box (the bassinet) and Chad talking to it. From the moment Ashley was born she was a daddy's girl. The sound of his voice soothes her to this day. So, Ashley's birth was not at all as we had planned. I really wanted Chad by my side supporting me through the birth of our baby. My mom was there for Tyler's birth, not his dad. Ashley was born the way she lives her life, right now. She lives in the moment. She doesn't have a lot of patience, especially for situations that are not to her liking. So Ash, here's to you...

Happy 10th Birthday baby girl. You have been an adventure since the day you were born. I could not imagine life with out you. You are the funniest kid I know, sometimes not always in the appropriate situations but I wouldn't change that for the world. You are passionate about animals, nature, history (you totally get that from your dad). I love it when you come home from school bursting with new information that you learned that day. You are becoming more sensitive and caring each and every day. You help friends at school and are the one that they trust to talk to knowing that you won't share their secret. You are also the most adult 10 year old I know. I love that you and I talk about anything and everything. Sometimes your questions are a little grown-up and surprising but I do the best I can to give you what you can handle and you seem to be satisfied. I love how important family is to you. It doesn't matter what holiday or event it is, you just want everybody together. I hope that desire to keep family close follows you into adulthood. You are a completely unique individual with a rebellious side, note the purple hair. That is a quality that I hope to help mold into leadership and individuality. I truly love your "Rockstar" side. Ashley, you are a gift to everyone that is blessed enough to have you in their lives. I love you!

10 years ago today... (graphic material to follow)

I was very pregnant, feeling heavy labor, eating Dairy Queen, walking at the park. In a couple of hours I will take a bath, go to bed only to be awaken by a loud sound, serious pain, and the urge to pee. I'll to the bathroom only to find my self covered in blood. Wake up Chad, go to the payphone, call an ambulance. Off to the hospital I go, off to the sitter's Tyler goes. Dilated to 10, heavy contractions, still lots of blood. Can't deliver, might cause one or both of use to die. Chad has to sign blood transfusion papers. Emergency C-section. I'm taken to the operating room, strapped down, an i.v. in inserted then I feel a hand on my throat and I'm out. To be continued...

Rest in peace

My mom's mom died last night. I know she is technically my grandma but I haven't seen her since I was 13 and feel it is disrespectful to my grandma that did want me in her life to call this woman grandma. She and my mom had a horrible relationship. I do remember going to her house every time my mom and dad were getting divorced. I thank her for being a place of refuge when times at home were tough. They must have been getting along well enough then to be in the same place. My mom holds a lot of grudges against her mom to this day which is sad because she will never have closure. I think that is what I am most sad about, that I never had the chance to get to know her. I wanted to sit and talk to her at least once, show her pictures of my kids, thank her for raising my brother. My mom had a child when she was still in school and when she met my dad she left him behind. Her mom then filed for custody and from then on, my brother Todd thought she was his mom. We reconnected with him a few years ago. I know I am rambling. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Time ran out and I am sad about that. So, Virginia Becker, thank you for taking care of Todd the best you knew how. He certainly had a better life with you than he could have had with us. Rest in peace.