Christmas

It just doesn't feel the same this year. I'm not sure why. I thought for sure that since I was home, I would have been overcome with holiday cheer. I feel like Cindy Lou Who. Where are you Christmas? (Maybe my Christmas spirit is a little dim because I have jury duty today.) Here are a few photos of what this season has been like for us.
Tyler and Kaylee (a friend) at the Snowball Dance

Tyler and Ashley decorating the tree

Me and Ash before the ballet

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

Too fast

While adding photos to facebook, I came across these. I think they were taken about 7 years ago but as I look at them it seems like a lifetime. They were so sweet and innocent then. Chad and I were the major influences in their lives. Back then it was all about toys and cartoons. How I miss those days. They are growing up too fast.

Random Thoughts

I have to admit that I sometimes lay in bed at night and think of what I want (or need) to write on this blog then I log in and my mind goes blank. Does that ever happen to you? So today you get random thoughts.

I am ready for this election to be over. Just because I belong to a union doesn't mean I will automatically vote democrat. Stop calling my house asking how I will vote, that's none of your business.

My brother called last week to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant. I will love this baby to the end of the earth. Here are my problems with the whole situation... Neither of them work, she hasn't been to the doctor yet (she's 36) and my brother has nothing to do with his son. Nuff said.

My kids go back to school today. I don't know how stay at home moms with children at home get anything done. I thought it would be a piece of cake to get extra stuff done around the house with the kids home. They are 13 and 10 after all and are more than capable to help. Didn't happen. I think I refereed more than anything. (of course I'm not getting a whole lot done now :)

We went to Toys R Us over the weekend to let the kids make out Christmas lists. The store was packed with moms Christmas shopping. I was shocked and a bit jealous. I guess they may be less stressed as the holidays near. I don't know.

I hope you are all well. Enjoy the next few days, it may be our last warm days of the year.

What's goin on...

Okay, so my brother is out of the hospital, my dad is on his way home, football season has ended, my first project as PTO president is over and I am officially beat. This has been such a whirlwind week. I have so many things I want to do and I am just too exhausted, mentally.

On a brighter note, I'm layed off. I will go back to work in 6 months and I am looking forward to the time at home and with my kids. Of course I have yet to get up and make them waffles for breakfast or have some wonderful homemade something ready for them when they get home from school but that will come. The bad part about layoff is that we will have to be a little more thrifty. I wish I could use this time traveling and visiting friends, maybe even getting a start on Christmas shopping but for now I will get the laundry done and try to stay ahead of the game.

Please think of me...

***UPDATE***
My brother is getting out of the hospital today. He had a problem at first getting the meds to work but now everything seems to be going well. He has no clots in his legs. His heart is enlarged on one side but that isn't a worry, I guess. He needs to make some big lifestyle changes. I hope this has opened eyes to the fact that he needs to take better care of himself. Thanks for you thoughts and prayers.

I was preparing a long post about how stressful life is right now with all that is going on (just really busy with kid stuff) but now that is all pushed to the side. My brother was rushed to the hospital yesterday having chest pains and not being able to breath. He has blood clots in his lungs. Scary. He is only 36. He doesn't have insurance. We used to be really close growing up but over the years we've grown apart. My mom and I are going to the hospital today to see him and get more info on what is going on and what they plan to do for him. Please think of him and our family. We are all worried. My parents are beside themselves, my daughter cried all night. My dad lives in Kansas and is coming up today. I hope he has a safe trip. I'll update you when I know something.

Happy Anniversary!

Saturday was our 12th wedding anniversary. We kinda celebrated the weekend before in Indy. Chad got us tickets to the Poets and Pirates concert. 7 hours of music in the new stadium that the Colts play in. It was a wonderful, relaxing day. On our actual anniversary, we had a soccer game in the morning and had fried chicken for our "special" dinner. It really was perfect for us. Totally our "style".

Guy kind of fun

This post is dedicated to my boys and their kind of a good time.




No fish were harmed and all were returned to their homes.

An unusual calm

Yesterday was my kids first day of school. Tyler was off to his last year of middle school at 7 am. I sent him to the bus stop and peeked now and then to make sure he was okay. (No matter how old he is, I'm always gonna be his mom.) Ashley and I walked to her school around 8:30, met her teacher and visited with teachers from the past until they called all the kids to go to their classrooms. Now my daughter was off to her last year of elementary school. I've been a little sad about these milestones for weeks. We will no longer be in elementary after this year AND next year we face the new frontier called high school. Yikes! But, as I walked home leaving Ash at school, I felt oddly calm. I felt like an accomplished mom. Like I did my job. Mission completed. How quickly that feeling fades... All it took was the kids getting out of school to ruin my feeling of accomplishment. They had more papers to sign, new school supply lists to fill by Friday and tons of energy to release. Motherhood is an emotional, energy sucking roller coaster. See you in line!

Are you serious, I'm only 34?

I had to go to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for a prescription refill. The kids went with me and because they weren't going to do anything "cool" (taking blood), Tyler decided to stay in the waiting room while Ashley came back with me. The nurse came in, checked my blood pressure (my issue), checked my weight (ugh) and asked if I had any other issues. I said no and out she went. The doctor came in and said my blood pressure was good (yay) but then said, "You have gained over 20 lbs since you came in last year, you really need to get that under control." He then asked if I had any other problems. At this point my lovely little 10 year old spoke up. She completely spilled the beans. In the end, he ordered some blood test to try and figure out why I'm so tired all the time and told me that I need to exercise and suggested Weight Watchers to help lose weight. So I finally got my blood test back and was asked to come to the office for the results. Not a good sign. I went in after work, scared and worried. I was then told that my vitamin D levels are low (that's why I'm tired), my cholesterol is high, my triglycerides are high and I have gout. WHAT??? I was so overwhelmed that I wanted to cry. I got some diet suggestions, a couple prescriptions and was sent out the door. I am lost. I don't even know where to begin. My diets contradict each other, gout and cholesterol. I bought some cooking magazines, looked them over and they are sitting on the ottoman. I am not motivated at all. You've all felt this, right? I need a bottle of motivation, not the cod liver oil I have to take for my vitamin D deficiency. So I am drinking my White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks searching for inspiration. Help!

Boston

I'm sorry it has taken so long to post about Boston. It was an amazing trip that Tyler and I will remember forever. I could go on and on about what we did but we have some amazing pictures that I want to share. So besides the photo commentary, I will tell you this, the amount of history in Boston is incredible. I have never been a fan of history. It bores me to no end to hear about it but I love to see it. I did not realize this until Boston. I know I learned more history in those 4 days than I did the entire time I was in school.


I'm not sure what the name of this building is but the gold leaf on top was put on by Paul Revere himself!


Tyler driving the "Duck Boat". Our driver was very entertaining and full of information.


The U.S.S. Constitution. It is the oldest ship still in commission. It could go to battle if needed but they only take it out every 4th of July to fire the cannons and turn it around.

The house of Seven Gables.

The Old North Church where the lanterns were hung to signal if the British were coming by land or sea.



Whale Watching. I was in complete awe of the size of the humpback whales. We saw about 20 feeding.

It was an awesome trip. I have some more pictures that I will share later. I hope I have the opportunity to take Ashley when she gets in Middle School. I hope you enjoyed our trip in pictures!

Happy Independence Day

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I hope all of you have a great day! This is one of my favorite holidays. My Grandma started my love for the holiday and celebrated it in style. After our trip to Boston I have so much more appreciation for where our Independence began. It is hard to believe that another country ruled all of our actions. I am so glad to live in a place where I can have my own thoughts on so many things and express them openly. Today I thank all the people that have fought for our freedom. Whatever you are doing today, enjoy. To my friends that I know personally, I love you all!

Back from Boston

Tyler and I have been back from Boston for 3 days and I still feel like I'm catching up. I will post pictures and more detailed info but I have to tell you that we had an amazing time. It was fabulous to spend 4 days with Tyler experiencing new things. The thing that hit me most was all the history that I'd learned in school (and forgot) was right there in front of us, most of it we could touch. Incredible. I will try to post some pics tomorrow.

Back on my Parental Soapbox

Yesterday at Wal-Mart, Tyler and I were picking out some magazines for our down time during our trip. I picked up Glamour and a health magazine and warned Tyler that his choice needed to be appropriate to look at around his teachers (he's been into gun magazines lately). First, my son has a really twisted version of appropriate and second, I could have been so lucky for an ammunition magazine. First he picked up a motorcycle magazine with a really cool bike on the front. Okay. His next choice also had a bike on the front but with a bikini clad woman sprawled all over it. I immediately said no and got an eye roll and sigh. He then began to plead his case, remember he's only 13.

Mom, it only has a girl on the front. I have other magazines like this at home that Grandpa gave me.

So I picked up the magazine and flipped through it and quickly pointed out the repeated pictures of half naked girls.

I don't even look at the pictures. I read the articles.

Are you kidding me? He's using that excuse all ready? At this point it was time to go. BUT as we were standing in line I decided we needed to continue this debate.

Tyler, that is not appropriate for someone your age to look at. And until you are 18 it is my responsibility to censor what you see, hear and do. That is my job as your mom. Like it or not.

When I told Chad about it later, I had to ask if I overreacted. I was really worried that I made a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Chad assured me that I was just being a good momma trying to raise a respectable boy. What do you think?

Kitchen Talk

Tyler and I were talking about the trip we are taking to Boston, we leave Monday. I asked him what he was looking forward to most and here is his list...

1. Spending time with me - awwwww
2. Seeing new things
3. Food
4. Flying for the first time!

Mom, I'm really not afraid of flying.

Good!

But I probably shouldn't have watched "Crash Landing"

No Tyler, that probably wasn't a good idea.



Whew, better kitchen talk than the "hair growth" story. If you haven't heard it, I'll tell ya later.

Kari - I will get to the book meme, promise.

Have a great day!!!

A little discretion, please

Attention all teen, nearly teen girls and their parents, while my 13 year old son may appreciate the fact that your choice in swimwear barely covers your female parts, I do not. I am trying to teach MY daughter that flaunting her body is not a requirement of the teen years, that she can be accepted by her peers without doing so and your running around advertising your goodies in barely legal attire does not help. And... do parents not look at their children before they leave the house or monitor their clothing purchases? When you wonder why your daughter is being approached by 30 year old men, look at the way you let her dress. That might be a clue.

Okay, I'm done ranting for now. Thanks for listening.

For Good

This sealed the deal, let me explain... I just spent the weekend with my friend Happi. People do that all the time, I know but this was special. Happi and I haven't seen each other in almost 20 years and all we really know about our lives since high school has been contained in a few letters and what we've posted on blogs. We've talked about getting together for some time but never sealed the deal. Life just kept getting in the way. It almost didn't happen this time, you see days before I was to meet up with Happi I had to go to Iowa for a funeral. I was exhausted from all the family drama and may have cancelled had it not been for the "Wicked" tickets. It was set in stone. I am so thankful. First of all, I was not nervous at all about seeing her after so long. I was perplexed by this. I am a nervous person. From the moment we saw each other it was like old times.
We talked for hours, about everything. We laughed, we cried. We ate. It was a perfect weekend. I was able to see her mom and sisters, who I consider family, and meet the wonderful man that has made their family complete. Thank you Dean and Donni for opening your home to me, I felt like one of the family. Lots of laughs. I was also privileged enough to see Kari and Darci perform at church, it was beautiful. More tears. Happi and I took the train into Chicago (first for me), walked down Michigan avenue (first) and had lunch at the Lux. YUMMMMMMMM!!!!! We then hailed a cab to see the show. Oh my gosh!!! I can not think of anyone I would have rather shared that moment with. She is the person that started my love affair with performing arts. Watching her family perform, taking dance classes at her mom's studio... My friendship with Happi changed my life in so many ways. She was the light at the end of the tunnel through a lot of hard times. I truly think God put her in my life. I am so thankful. I am thankful that if we've changed (I am sure we have), we changed in the same direction. I am thankful that I can be myself, completely, without judgement and Happi accepts that. I missed that part of myself and my friend helped me find it. I love you my dear friend. Thank you so much for a wonderful weekend. Now, I'm gonna go read your post (I promised myself I wouldn't read it till I got done with this), probably cry, then look forward to planning next year!

Happy Mother's Day

As I woke up this morning at 8:45, my hubby leaned over and wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I came downstairs, took some aleve for my headache. Hubby made me a cup of my favorite hot tea. Ashley got up an hour later, came out wrapped in her quilt and wished me a Happy Mother's Day. After laying around in my nightgown for a couple of hours watching movies eating Lucky Charms, my step kids came over to bring me a card for Mother's Day. WOW!!! After Tyler came home from his dad's we met my mom at Starbucks for coffee. I got flowers and a tear jerking card from Tyler. We went to the bookstore after coffee. I love the bookstore. Then we met Chad for lunch. After lunch, I came home and took a nap. It has been my kind of day. I hope your Mother's Day has been your perfect kind of day. Happy Mother's Day!

I feel better already

This is a pretty personal post, that's what this is for right, to get things off your chest and just talk? I have been incredibly stressed lately and my emotions are out of control. I actually broke down at work on Thursday and cried for two hours until Chad got there to calm me down. I was just alone in my thoughts and everything that has been bothering me came crashing down all at once. I have so many unresolved issues from my past. From my relationships with my parents, something that happened to when I was young, my grandmother's death and the fact that I never knew her... Just so many things that I can push to the back of my mind when I'm busy but when my mind slows down or I'm really stressed, it all comes crashing down all at once. So after my two hour crying spell, a day off work (unplanned) and a really long talk with my incredibly supportive hubby I decided to call a therapist. I had my first visit on Saturday and I feel better already. It's amazing how good it feels to know that I am on the way to feeling better. I saw a therapist after I had Ashley for post-par tum and anger issues and I should have dealt with these issues then but I was too afraid to let it all out. I have some pretty big skeletons in my closet that would shock people who think they know me. I am on the right path, I firmly believe that. I am tired of my past holding me back, of it controlling me. Wish me luck!!!

Am I ready for this?

You may not know, because I probably don't type about them much, that my husband has two kids from a previous relationship. They are 14 and 12. When Chad and I first got together the kids came over regularly and we blended pretty easily. Not long after Ashley was born the problems started. Now I know that they were just repeating a lot stuff that they were hearing from home but some of it was very brutal. After their mother had a failed marriage, she decided she was going to do whatever it took for her and Chad to get back together. All the things that happened during this time ended up straining our relationship and Chad's relationship with his kids. They eventually stopped wanting to come over and we stopped making them, it was just too hard on all of us. We've seen them on and off over the last couple of years. Not seeing them has bothered Ashley more than anyone. This year she happened to be in class with a child that lives with Chad's kids. A couple of arguments, a parent teacher conference and a phone call later, Chad's kids were coming over every other weekend. The last 3 months have been great! It was like they had been coming over all along. The kids all got along. I stepped back a little to let them get reacquainted with Chad. It's really been nice until this weekend. It's Chad's daughter. She is 12. She thinks she's 20 something. She does what she wants, talks like she's grown with no respect for adults or other people that are around her. That may all be being 12. Here is what I had a problem with this weekend. After we came home from them mall Friday night (where she wanted us to just drop her off) she got on her my space (which she is not supposed to be on but her mother won't delete it) and told her friend that she was at the mall with her ex boyfriend and they ended up getting back together and she was spending the night at his house. Now first of all, I can't stand liars. Second of all, she completely disregarded has father's rules that she was not to be on her my space. Third, the things that she is writing are going to give her a reputation that she may not be able to get rid of. Now here is my delima, I am raising my kids to be good people, to behave a certain way, to have respect for themselves and other people. I have not raised Chad's kids. I cannot make them behave a certain way. I don't want to parent them. I want to be an example for them. I want them to look at Chad and me and know how people are supposed to treat each other. I DO NOT want my daughter to look at Chad's daughter and want to be like her. I find that the more Chad's kids are over the more my kids try to get by with acting the way they do. Chad's son has been wonderful. I don't always expect him to be this way, he is after all a teenager. He seems to motivate my son to help around the house and to be more active. I know Chad loves that has kids are coming over, so am I. I just don't know if I am ready for what more may be coming.

Time well spent... not, well actually yes

Last week my hubby and I took the week off to spend with the kids for Spring Break and to finish re-doing the bathroom. The bathroom finally got finished Saturday. I planned on doing a little spring cleaning while I was at home, didn't get done. Planned to visit some family, didn't do that either. I planned on spending time with the kids, done. We watched movies, went on bike rides, talked, shopped (okay, maybe that was for me), we ran out of time (wasted some at a really crummy indoor water park). I wish I could spend more time with my kids. I need to make sure the time I spend with them is quality time. Ashley starts softball Friday, Chad's son's games start Monday, Tyler just got a job cleaning one of his teacher's yard...it all goes so fast. Two months of school left and Tyler will be in his last year of middle school and Ash will be in her last year of elementary. WOW! My babies are growing up. I did spend a couple of hours looking through old photos, made me cry. Enjoy your little people, good times and bad. One day they will have their own things to do and spending time with you will not be a priority. That's okay, you want them to be independent, to be their own person. Enjoy the fact that they need you, you need them too.

then at 12:16 am...

Ashley Corynne was delivered. As I was being wheeled out of the operating room, I woke up long enough to ask my mom what I had, she said, "It's a girl and she beautiful." I think I said good and then was out once again. Hours later (it was daylight) I woke again to the sound of a baby crying. All my groggy eyes could see was this little red thing squirming in a plastic box (the bassinet) and Chad talking to it. From the moment Ashley was born she was a daddy's girl. The sound of his voice soothes her to this day. So, Ashley's birth was not at all as we had planned. I really wanted Chad by my side supporting me through the birth of our baby. My mom was there for Tyler's birth, not his dad. Ashley was born the way she lives her life, right now. She lives in the moment. She doesn't have a lot of patience, especially for situations that are not to her liking. So Ash, here's to you...

Happy 10th Birthday baby girl. You have been an adventure since the day you were born. I could not imagine life with out you. You are the funniest kid I know, sometimes not always in the appropriate situations but I wouldn't change that for the world. You are passionate about animals, nature, history (you totally get that from your dad). I love it when you come home from school bursting with new information that you learned that day. You are becoming more sensitive and caring each and every day. You help friends at school and are the one that they trust to talk to knowing that you won't share their secret. You are also the most adult 10 year old I know. I love that you and I talk about anything and everything. Sometimes your questions are a little grown-up and surprising but I do the best I can to give you what you can handle and you seem to be satisfied. I love how important family is to you. It doesn't matter what holiday or event it is, you just want everybody together. I hope that desire to keep family close follows you into adulthood. You are a completely unique individual with a rebellious side, note the purple hair. That is a quality that I hope to help mold into leadership and individuality. I truly love your "Rockstar" side. Ashley, you are a gift to everyone that is blessed enough to have you in their lives. I love you!

10 years ago today... (graphic material to follow)

I was very pregnant, feeling heavy labor, eating Dairy Queen, walking at the park. In a couple of hours I will take a bath, go to bed only to be awaken by a loud sound, serious pain, and the urge to pee. I'll to the bathroom only to find my self covered in blood. Wake up Chad, go to the payphone, call an ambulance. Off to the hospital I go, off to the sitter's Tyler goes. Dilated to 10, heavy contractions, still lots of blood. Can't deliver, might cause one or both of use to die. Chad has to sign blood transfusion papers. Emergency C-section. I'm taken to the operating room, strapped down, an i.v. in inserted then I feel a hand on my throat and I'm out. To be continued...

Rest in peace

My mom's mom died last night. I know she is technically my grandma but I haven't seen her since I was 13 and feel it is disrespectful to my grandma that did want me in her life to call this woman grandma. She and my mom had a horrible relationship. I do remember going to her house every time my mom and dad were getting divorced. I thank her for being a place of refuge when times at home were tough. They must have been getting along well enough then to be in the same place. My mom holds a lot of grudges against her mom to this day which is sad because she will never have closure. I think that is what I am most sad about, that I never had the chance to get to know her. I wanted to sit and talk to her at least once, show her pictures of my kids, thank her for raising my brother. My mom had a child when she was still in school and when she met my dad she left him behind. Her mom then filed for custody and from then on, my brother Todd thought she was his mom. We reconnected with him a few years ago. I know I am rambling. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Time ran out and I am sad about that. So, Virginia Becker, thank you for taking care of Todd the best you knew how. He certainly had a better life with you than he could have had with us. Rest in peace.

Happy 13th Birthday Tyler!

Tyler brought this paper home the other day and I want to share it with you. When he shocked me a while back with the thought of moving in with his dad I immediately thought that he doesn't appreciate me or the sacrifices I make for him. More than one friend told me that kids can't appreciate their parents until they are much older, looking back. Here is what he wrote, now remember he is 12 (too close to 13) so his writing is still very kid-like.

MY EVERYDAY HERO

Christopher Reeves once said, "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." My everyday hero is my mom. She is a very uplifting person that makes me happy. My mom and I are trying to do things together because we are so busy, and I never get home until 4:00. I have lots of homework that I have to get done before we can do anything together, and by the time we get to do that it is almost time to go to bed. She is very loving and giving to me and others. She helps PTO and watches us play soccer, and does cleaning and other things.

My mom is helpful at my school and my sisters school, she is helping me get to Boston and her as well. She helps my sister by being on the PTO to plan things for the students. She helps people at work and around the world. She helps people that are not able to do things.

She gives things to people that are in need of something. Like jump rope for hearts, hats for kids with cancer and other things.

My mom helps me if I'm in a very bad mood. My mom likes doing things with me. She loves figuring out if I'm not wanting to talk to anyone other than her. She loves helping me and other people over things that are very hard. She loves talking to people without being afraid of saying anything to anyone.

Henry Miller said, "The ordinary mam is involved in action, the hero acts. An immense difference." That is why I chose my mom. Because she tries to hang out with me as much as she can. I chose her because she is the one who will listen to me more than anyone else.

Happy Birthday Hubby!

I love you!

My Personality Painting

Click here to create your own painting.

Miracles happen everyday

Check it out. I work with the sister of the mommy.

http://www.kristyanddavid.blogspot.com/

They have been blessed with twins but Jack and Ella had to be delivered early to give Jack a fighting chance. Please pray that their precious gifts grow and progress daily so that they can go home in April.

My broken heart

Last night at dinner we were talking about my husbands kids. Ashley brought up the fact that in two years the youngest one will be old enough to decide if she wants to come and live with us. The older one had stated that he wouldn't leave without the other. So then Tyler says, "Ya, next year I have to go to court and decide who I want to live with. I'm not sure who I'll choose." I asked him who told him that and he said his step-mom. I was completely blind sided. I can't believe he's even been thinking about it. Chad and I have been here for him through everything. I'm a complete mess. I cried all night, called off work and slept till 10am. It's all I can think about. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see Tyler everyday after school to ask him how his day was or know what is going on in his life. If at this point you are thinking that his dad doesn't get to see him everyday, well you should know that his dad choose that path. He never came to the hospital when he was born, made us have a paternity test. He wasn't even interested until Chad came into our lives. He gets him every other weekend and that's it. Never calls through the week... I just feel like... i don't know how I feel except like my heart is being crushed. All I've thought about today is Tyler's birth and when he was a baby and how he used to think I was the best person in the world. I'm gonna go to work tomorrow and try to get back in the swing of things. And I'm gonna try to stop crying.